


It’s Going to Take Some Work

by kat315



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Car Accidents, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Romantic Fluff, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:26:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23034712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kat315/pseuds/kat315
Summary: You have an extraordinary power that has gotten you a spot on the Avengers team. It has also brought trauma and constant pain. Maybe thats why you and Bucky get along so well. But when Bucky brings home a perfect blonde to introduce to the team, you realize that your true feelings for him can never be requited. Or so you thought...
Relationships: Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton/Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov/Sam Wilson/Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 16
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

Standing in front of the stove, you start to turn over an omelet that is just about done. Your favorite playlist is playing softly over the sound of eggs cooking as you softly sing the words.

_It’s gonna take a bit of work_

Stark Tower is oddly quiet this morning with almost the entire team gone on a mission in Morocco. Something about an arms dealer who owns a tiger that Sam was very excited about.  
“How often do you get to hang out with a tiger?!” he said to you early this morning before they left. “I’m still trying to figure out how I’m gonna get it back to the Tower. Imagine what people would say, ‘hey did you hear about that Avenger that has a tiger?’”  
Nat rolls her eyes as she walks by, sliding another knife into a holster. “Imagine what they would say” she says in a mocking tone, “did you hear about that Avenger that got mauled by a tiger?”  
Steve smiles and scoffs from the couch as he studies the mission file.  
“Shut up,” Sam says as he glares at Nat and walks his duffle bag to the door. Wanda closes her bedroom door and walks into the kitchen where you were leaning against the counter, exchanging a smile with Nat.  
“You’re going to be okay alone for two weeks, right?” Wanda says quietly.  
“Yeah, of course. You’ve forgotten that I’m always alone when everyone leaves.” You smile softly at Wanda’s worried face.  
“Yeah I know, but-”  
Wanda abruptly stops speaking when Bucky opens the front door. The group slowly continues with packing and pretends to not pay attention to the brooding super-soldier. He doesn’t look at anyone as he lets out a long, frustrated sigh and runs his hand through his long hair, stalking across the room to the stairs. His bedroom door slams shut, and Steve looks up from the file and glances at you. You pretend to not have been staring at Bucky during that whole scene and turn back to Wanda.  
“Drama queen.” Sam mumbles as he resumes packing. Nat rolls her eyes again.  
Wanda resumes, “Did you hear Steve and Bucky last night? I’m surprised Bucky is still staying here.”  
“Yeah, I heard.” You say, as you and Steve exchange looks for the billionth time that day. 

_It’s gonna take a little time_

All of the sudden you return to your omelet as the acrid smell of burnt eggs fills your nostrils. You curse and quickly remove the pan from the hot eye. Throwing the omelet into the sink, you sigh and brace your hands on the counter. It had been 3 weeks since Bucky brought Layla home and introduced her as “his girl.” As soon as he said those words, your heart slammed to the floor. Steve doesn’t look at Bucky or Layla, instead he’s intently staring at you as you blankly stare at Layla’s designer purse. The rest of the team shuffle to the couple and introduce themselves as Steve quietly moves towards you.  
“Come with me,” he whispers and gently grabs your elbow as he leads you to the Tower’s outside patio. As soon as the door closes you whip around and give Steve a dark stare.  
“Did you know?” you say flatly.  
“Look, Y/N-”, Steve trips over his words,  
“Did. You. Know.” You say more forcefully. Steve gives you a pitiful look. “Don’t look at me like that,” you snarl.  
“I only knew for about 6 hours.” Steve says, trying to reach for your hand. You jerk away and turn towards the railing.  
“How could you not tell me?”  
“Y/N-”  
“Stop.” You sigh and turn towards him as you cross your arms and lean against the railing. “This isn’t your fault, Steve. I’m just a little blindsided by this whole thing.” You look down to the ground. Steve takes a couple steps towards you.  
“I know what you’re feeling. And I am always here for you.”  
“I know.”  
“Do you need some space? Should I leave you alone?”  
You look up at him with tears welling up in your eyes. “Can you stay?”  
Steve smiles and takes big steps towards you as he envelopes you into a warm hug. You sigh softly and lean into him.  
“Of course.” he says and rests his head on top of yours.  
Both of you are silent for a couple of minutes. “I just-” you finally say. “I always thought it was going to be me.”  
“I know.” Steve whispers. “Nobody else does, but I know.” He pauses. “And you’re sure you can’t say anything to-”  
“I can’t. And I won’t.”  
You sniff and step away from Steve. “I’ll be okay.”  
“You know it’s okay to show emotion.” Steve says as he smiles sadly. “You don’t have to close up again so fast.” You give a half smile back. The patio door suddenly swings open.  
“Hey!” Bucky says as he walks onto the patio. You and Steve quickly break apart as you try and wipe your face of tears and paint a wide smile on your face.  
“Hey Bucky!” you say with such overt happiness that Steve shoots you a concerning look. “Where’s this girl that I keep hearing about? Am I ever going to meet her?”  
Bucky looks at you with a worried smile. “Are you okay? You look like you’re constipated.”  
“Shut up and just introduce me.” You say as your fake smile disappears and is replaced by a scowl.  
“That’s better,” Bucky says. “Come on, she can’t wait to meet you.” He reaches out his hand for you to take. You take his hand and he leads you to the perfect blonde surrounded by the rest of the team. Your heart breaks a little more as you watch Bucky and Layla exchange huge smiles. “Does she even know what she has?” you think to yourself.  
Will she remember to set the dryer on for another 20 minutes because he never sets it right when he does his own laundry?  
You smile and say your name as Layla goes in for a hug.  
Will she always have his favorite kind of coffee on hand from the Brooklyn roaster that he’s been going to since the 40’s?  
Bucky grins at both of you as you bond over your equally curly hair.  
Will she stay up every New Year’s Eve and watch terrible movies together as you both try to distract him from the fireworks that explode right outside the tower?  
Will she cook in silence with him because she knows that’s his favorite thing to do? 

_But with you by my side_  
_I won’t let go_  
_‘Til I got what’s mine_

Returning to the present, you give up and pour yourself a bowl of cereal. You munch on your shameful breakfast and stare at your full coffee cup. You think of last night, and the loud low booms of Steve and Bucky’s voice.  
“You’re injured Buck. I am not allowing you to go back into the field until the doctor clears you.”  
“The doctor doesn’t know a fucking thing about us. I can heal faster than anybody here.”  
“She has been treating me since I came back, she knows how we operate.”  
“She doesn’t know that I need to go on this mission Steve. I need to work.”  
“All the better reason for you to stay.”  
“What the fuck does that even mean?!” Bucky’s voice suddenly gets louder. “You think you know what’s better for me than I do?”  
“Bucky. Please calm down.” Steve levels his voice.  
You wince as you stare at the ceiling from your bed. That was a completely wrong response. Steve has always been too soft with Bucky. To get him to listen, sometimes you have to yell right back.  
“Don’t tell me to calm down.” Bucky snarls. He picks up his jacket and angrily stalks towards the door. “Don’t wait up.”  
“Buck, pleas-” The front door slams. Steve sighs loud enough for you to hear from your bedroom. You slowly slide off your bed and tiptoe to the living room where you see Steve with his head in his hands.  
“Hey,” you say quietly.  
“How did you do this for a year?” Steve says exasperatedly.  
“I had a lot of moments just like this before I figured out how to actually get through to him.” you say as you remember the past year. Bucky had just decided to live in the Tower with the team and Tony benched him for an entire year. Because you only left for a very few select missions, you were the only one home with Bucky. You and Bucky were weirdly very similar. You both didn’t need to use words to communicate and loved working in silence. Up until three weeks ago, most nights ended with either you sleeping in his bed, or him sleeping on the couch in your room. You would only open up with each other when both of you knew you were alone, usually late in the night, sometimes ending up falling asleep in the middle of sentences. By the eight-month mark, you two were inseparable.  
“This is almost unbearable,” Steve says.  
“Now you know how I feel.” You say flatly. Steve looks up at you with a sad look in his eyes.  
“Y/N, I didn’t mean it like that.”  
“I know, I just wish I could be there for him.”  
“You could, you know.”  
“No, I can’t. That’s someone else’s job now.” You sigh and rub your hands over your face. “I just need some space from him right now.”  
Steve sighs again and gets up from the couch. “Just don’t make this ‘space’ thing permanent. It’s obviously affecting him and you both won’t talk about it because you both just don’t talk about how you feel.”  
“I know.” You say quietly. Steve puts his hand on your shoulder before he leaves the room.  
“Goodnight Y/N.”  
“Goodnight Stevie.” You wait a while in the living room then move back to your bedroom and stare up at the ceiling until you finally hear Bucky return and you’re able to fall asleep. 

_Cause people come and go_  
_but you should know_  
_I am taking it slow_

You push your cereal around and pick up your coffee mug to take a sip. You hear Bucky’s bedroom door swing open and you freeze. He quietly walks down the stairs and sees you at the table. You both stare at each other way too long for comfort.  
“Sorry,” he says as he drags his metal hand through his hair, “I thought everyone had left.”  
“Still here,” you say softly as you raise your mug in greeting.  
He looks at you for a beat more, then walks quickly towards the door as if he just decided to go out.  
“Hey, it’s freezing out today,” you say as he opens the door.  
“Oh, right.” He turns back around and walks towards the kitchen as he makes his way to the coat closet behind you. You instinctively stiffen the closer he gets to you. You try to take a natural sip of coffee, but grimace when you realize you forgot your usual cream and cinnamon. You jump when the carton of cream and the small container of cinnamon appear next to you.  
“Oh, thanks,” you say to Bucky as he puts on his coat while walking back to the front door. He turns back to you before he opens the door.  
“Anytime.” His blue eyes stare into yours and gives you a small smile, and you almost shudder. He leaves and shuts the door behind him with a small click. You immediately relax and slump your head to rest on the table. It’s going to be a long two weeks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The angst continues!! We get a little bit more background into the reader's character and why she doesn't go on missions with the Team. I also went more into Bucky and the Reader's relationship before Layla, including a somewhat cliffhanger! Thank you guys for reading the first chapter!!!

Chapter 2 

It had been two days since the team left and you had seen Bucky a grand total of 3 times. One, when he left the first morning. Two, when he came back late that night and seemed surprised to see you on the couch eating pasta and watching Dirty Dancing underneath a pile of blankets. You tried to straighten up and make yourself appear more human. Bucky cleared his throat, “Oh, hey.”  
“Yeah, hey, right...um sorry.” You try to talk around the huge mouthful of pasta you had tried to shove down your throat.  
“What are you apologizing for?” Bucky paused in his walk to his bedroom upstairs.  
“I, um, am pretty deep into ‘Tower Troll’ mode right now.” You say as you smooth down your hair.  
Bucky gave a little half smile as his blue eyes sparkled. “What? Tower Troll?”  
“It’s just the name I gave to my alter-ego when you guys leave me alone.”  
Bucky’s smile grew. “I know her well.”  
You smile softly. “I know.”  
Bucky turns away and walks back up the stairs. You exhaled before you realized you had been holding your breath.  
And the last time you saw him was this afternoon, when you were making lunch for yourself. Bucky suddenly opens the front door, making you jump and drop the knife you were holding. Bucky chuckles when he closes the door behind him.  
“I didn’t realize you had left!” You say defensively.  
“Yeah I just went to go have brunch with Layla” then he says as he puts his jacket away.  
“Oh, right.” You say as you try not to notice that his hair was tousled in the back and his mouth looked red. You try to talk about literally anything else. “Did you see that Tolkein’s grandson died today?”  
Bucky looks at you with a confused smile. “What?”  
“Yeah, Christopher, the one who finished some of his books.”  
“Oh, right, I remember.” Bucky’s smile fell slightly. You were both still staring at each other and not speaking. 

You were trying to not think about those nights a year ago where you made Bucky read The Hobbit. You were both in your bedroom with him lounging on your couch and you facing him on your bed. He was reading out loud to you because he couldn’t sleep that night. He was reading so intently that he didn’t notice you smiling at him from your bed. He paused at a particularly intense moment. “Wow,” he breathed and looked up at you.  
You dropped your smile quickly and cleared your throat. “Did you know that Tolkein had PTSD?” You said quickly, “he wrote about villians that stemmed from his own anxiety and fear from being a soldier.”  
Bucky makes a small noise of approval and quickly returns to his intense reading. Your smile slowly creeped back.  
“You know, I’ve been thinking.” He said slowly while still reading.  
“Wow, I didn’t know you could do that.”  
“Ha. Ha. Ha.” Bucky said dryly and puts the book down. You knew he was about to say something serious because he rarely brings things up like this. “I think you might have PTSD.”  
You bristle and frown. “What?”  
He looks at you silently waiting for a real response.  
“I don’t have PTSD.” You say forcefully and turn your back to him.  
He pauses for a moment. “You don’t use your abilities.”  
You stay silent, frowning even though Bucky couldn’t see your face.  
“You could be the most powerful person on the team, probably the world, but you refuse to use them.” Bucky stays very still, probably because he knows that you hated every part of this conversation. “Look, I know you don’t like talking about-”  
“You’re right, I don’t like talking about this.” You say with anger leaching from your voice.  
“Right, sorry.” Bucky says softly. You hear him open the book again, and after a few minutes of awkward silence he turns a page. You sit up in bed and look at him as if the page-turning was another accusatory comment. You’re surprised to see that Bucky looks scared.  
“I don’t want to talk about this because I know you already know everything, You were briefed about me probably the moment you stepped foot into the Tower. Everyone is.” You say with more conviction. “Because of my abilities, everyone is always walking around on eggshells around me, basically waiting for me to crack.” Everything seems to be tumbling out of your mouth too quickly. “That’s why I don’t go on missions. That’s why I am living in the Tower, which I will probably live in forever, because I am too dangerous to live in public but I’m too dangerous to be a part of the team. And I don’t use my abilities because I am scared of who I could become if I use them. Not because of trauma, but because I am _terrified_.”  
Bucky stays silent and stares at you. You huff and collapse on the bed with your back facing him. He quietly gets up from your couch and puts the book at your bedside table. You can feel how close he is to your bed and you hold your breath. You feel the dip in your mattress as he slowly crawls into your bed as if you’re already asleep and he doesn’t want to wake you. He gets settled next to you and you can feel his breath on your neck. You give up on your short grudge and turn to face him. His hair hangs over his blue eyes that are somehow still shining in the dark of your bedroom. You reach up and gently push his hair behind his ear. He gives a small smile and closes his eyes.  
“Now I know why we get along so well.”  
You smile and quickly fall asleep to the sound of Bucky’s small snores. 

After realizing you had been staring at each other for way too long you both clear your throats at the same time.  
“Right. So I’m going to go shower,” Bucky says quickly.  
“Rightrightrightrightrightright,” You say, “I’m going to finish this.” You both turn away from each other very quickly. 

Later that night you were staring at your bedroom ceiling trying to fall asleep. The Tower was so incredibly quiet without everyone there. You missed listening to everyone’s nighttime routines. Sam always sang Motown songs way too loudly, and Nat always punched the walls telling him to shut up. You could always hear Tony working until everyone fell asleep. Steve walked to everyone’s room and said his own tailored goodnight to everyone. You had been slowly drifting off to sleep when you heard a loud bang from the direction of Bucky’s room. You immediately straightened up in bed and stared at your door. If this was a year ago, you would have gone straight to his bedroom to see if he was okay. It was a regular routine between the two of you. He would have nightmares or couldn’t even fall asleep in the first place, and you would eventually end up in the same bedroom sleeping soundly. But ever since his announcement, you didn’t know what the right thing was anymore. You took a breath and walked to his door. His light wasn’t on, but you heard some shuffling and another bang. Not caring about what was right, you steeled yourself and quietly opened the door. His metal arm glinted from the light in the hallway as he was kneeling in front of his bookcase, roughly shoving books off the shelves. He didn’t even turn around when he addressed you. “Sorry, did I wake you?”  
“No, I just heard some banging and I was...worried about you.”  
Bucky turns around on his heels. “I’m just looking for-”  
“The Hobbit?”  
Bucky gave a defeated sigh. “Yeah, of course you would know.”  
“It’s in my room, hold on.” You pad over to your room and grab the book from your bedside table. You turn around and slightly jump to see him in your doorway. With the lights on in the hallway and your room still dark, he almost looked angelic. Bucky sighed and raked his hands through his hair.  
“Could I…” He paused, “could I stay here? Just for a little while?”  
You look at your feet awkwardly. “I don’t know if that’s the best idea…”  
“Yeah right, no, I get it,” He said quickly. He turns and mumbles goodnight before quickly shutting your door. You stand there with the book in your hand and a baffled look on your face. You knew that you should definitely not be sleeping with Bucky. It was a hairy situation even when he wasn’t dating someone. But you had been charged by both Tony and Steve with helping Bucky adapt while he was held back from missions. And helping him sleep was the best way that you could think to comfort him. So if that meant sleeping together than so be it. It didn’t matter that you slept like a rock whenever he was with you. It didn’t matter that one of the most beautiful things you had ever seen was the way Bucky woke up in the morning, his hair strewn across his face and muscular limbs tucked tightly into his body. You stood in the middle of your room having a silent argument with yourself before you lift your hands up in defeat. You make your way back to Bucky’s room with the book in your hand. You quickly open his door before you lose your nerve and hold the book out.  
“You forgot this,” you say to Bucky as he turns around shirtless.  
“OH Oh oh oh oh sorry,” you say turning around one way, then switching directions and turning the other way, before switching directions and-  
Bucky chuckles, “It’s okay, Y/N. You’ve seen me like this a ton of times.”  
You sigh dramatically. “Bucky, I just don’t know what’s right anymore. I feel like the things we normally do together are no longer okay.” It’s obvious that you don’t talk about your relationship with each other because you’re both visibly uncomfortable.  
“Look, Y/N, we can do whatever we say is ‘okay.’ There are no rules, because I’m pretty sure there has never been a relationship between two people like us.”  
You stare at him with a conflicted look on your face. He walked up to you and took the book from your hands. You could smell his shampoo when he stood this close to you.  
“Would you like me to stay?” You say quietly.  
“Yes.” He whispered. You moved away from him and quickly curled into his bed. Bucky walks over to his side and lifts the blankets to cover you both as he gets in. You fall asleep quicker than you had all week. 

You wake up in the morning to the smell of coffee. You look over in Bucky’s bed to see his side empty. You smile when you recognize your playlist playing from the downstairs stereo. You stretch and make your way downstairs, still wearing the oversized t-shirt you wore to bed. You were still smiling when you rounded the stairs to see Layla and Bucky making breakfast together. Your smile quickly falls and your mouth goes dry. Layla sees you first and smiles brightly at you.  
“Y/N! Do you want some breakfast?”  
Bucky looks at you with a small smile as you meet his eyes. His eyes look down at your pajama choice and meets your eyes again with an alarmed look. You quickly look down and realize you’re wearing Bucky’s t-shirt. Your eyes widen even though Layla would have no way of knowing this was Bucky’s shirt. You reply to Layla, “No, no thank you, I’m just going to go up and take a shower!”  
Your voice sounded high-pitched even to your ears. You quickly shuffle back to your room, keeping your hands tugging at the bottom of Bucky’s shirt. You close your bedroom door and slump your back against it with your head in your hands. It was stupid of you to think that last night meant that nothing had changed, of course everything had changed. Bucky may not think so, but you couldn’t stand this feeling. You ball your hands into fists and decide that you need to do something to make you feel better, preferably as fast as possible. You pick up your phone and scroll down your contacts until you see “Josh Cute Guy From Bar”. He had hit on you relentlessly a few weeks ago on a night out with the girls and you jokingly put his number into your phone. Having it there was a nice confidence boost, and now it has actually come in handy. You pause for just a second before you hit the “Call” button maybe a little too forcefully. 

You came back downstairs freshly showered and wearing Nat’s clothes. She had always said, “If you ever need my clothes, I don’t care what day or time it is, you take them from my closet.” You chose a tight fitting, long-sleeved crop top and loose high-waisted pants from your closet. You were wearing makeup for the first time in months and it felt heavy and unnatural on your face. As you were descending the stairs, Bucky and Layla look up from their breakfast at the sound of your high-heeled boots on the steps. Bucky looked at you with such surprise that you were sure there was something wrong with your appearance.  
“Wow, look at you!” Layla said with excitement.  
“Is there something on my face?” You say while looking at Bucky’s frozen expression.  
Bucky cleared his throat. “No no you look…”  
“Amazing!” Layla finished. “What’s the occasion?”  
“I am going,” you take a steadying breath, “on a date.”  
Bucky’s face immediately changed. He narrowed his eyes and looked up and down at your outfit.  
“Well, have a great time! You’ll have to tell us how it is when you get back,” Layla replies.  
“You’re going to stay here all day?” You say looking between her and Bucky.  
Bucky opens his mouth to reply but Layla interjects. “Yes! Bucky and I thought we could have a day in. Be introverts for a day.” She looked at him with a smile. You thought that Bucky had always been an introvert, but you guess you were wrong.  
“Okay! So I guess I will see you later,” you say, looking at Bucky’s worried face. You immediately decided that you would definitely not be coming home alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is longer, but I was really excited to set up Chapter 4! I promise I will reveal what the reader's powers are soon(probably the next chapter), I just love building suspense. Thank you guys so much for reading!!!!!

You were sitting at the bar of your favorite coffee place drumming your fingertips against the glass countertop. This coffeeshop was your favorite because of the floor to ceiling windows with gorgeous tiling and amazing music, plus all the baristas knew your name and order, even if it wasn’t your real name. Your phone dinged beside you and you practically jumped. “Omw! Just need to find parking,” the text message from Josh read. You crossed your legs and uncrossed your legs two times before settling on an extremely uncomfortable position. The bells on the front door jingled as you looked up to see Josh step into the cafe. You smiled at him as he beamed once he saw you at the bar.  
“Y/N! I’m so glad we could finally do this,” Josh said as he sat on the stool next to you. The barista gave you a funny look at the sound of your real name from Josh. You nervously recrossed your legs and avoided her gaze.  
“Me too!” You say as you focus on Josh. His sandy blonde hair was cropped short, but honestly his eyes were what made you save his number in your phone. They were a beautiful hazel with one eye showing more blue than the other warm brown eye. You honestly couldn’t say which one you liked more.  
“So...what made you finally call me after two months?” Josh said with a smile in his voice.  
“I just…” you had to stop yourself before you told him the truth. “I finally came to my senses.” You smile up at him. 

Josh was laughing behind you as you were struggling with FRIDAY's guest security protocol. Trying to let Josh into the Tower was harder than you thought. After the coffee date, you both ended up wandering around downtown until the sun began to set. You invited him back to your place, and when you arrived at the Tower, he stood at the front steps with his entire mouth open. You grinned and took his hand as you led him up the Tower. You finally were able to open the door and let Josh in as you closed it a little louder than you normally would. You look around the entryway and into the kitchen and living room as Josh was still finishing up his story. When you saw that there was no one downstairs, you felt slightly defeated.  
“And then he sat up and said ‘Don’t let the cat in!’, and passed out again,” Josh said, looking at you as if he was expecting a laugh.  
“Oh! Wow, what a crazy story!” You say as you look up the stairs to see Bucky’s room empty and dark.  
“Are you okay? You look like you’re looking for someone.”  
“No, I was just checking to see if…” you struggled to find the right words to describe Bucky, “my roommate is home.”  
“Oh! Is she part of the team too?”  
“He, actually, and yes, but he’s not out on mission this week.”  
“So… the Tower is empty?” Josh said stepping closer to you.  
“Yes,” you say as you finally turn to him. “But we don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”  
“No, I kinda want to stay here.” Josh said with a small smile.  
You walk to the living room and grab the blankets from the closet to settle in for a movie night. “Sounds like a plan.” 

You were surprised to find that spending time with Josh was not the worst thing in the world. He had excellent taste in cheesy movies and loved to laugh over them with you. You got into a heated debate over which movie was the worst in the world, and you definitely won. He made you laugh, and you felt relaxed and at ease with him, which was a refreshing change of pace. You walked him to the door at the end of the night.  
“Thank you for hanging out with me today,” you say as he leaned against the door frame.  
“I should be the one thanking you.” He said back.  
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” You reply with a sarcastic smile.  
“Can I call you later?” Josh said nervously.  
“Um, sure!” You say with a slight hesitation.  
“Great.” There was a pause as you didn’t know if you should just close the door on him. He gently leaned in and kissed you on the cheek. It was surprisingly sweet.  
“I’ll call you,” Josh said as he smiled and took the elevator down to the ground level. You were left standing in the living room with a soft smile as you walked up the stairs quietly. You settle into bed and turn out the light, preparing to go to sleep, but you find that you are left staring at the ceiling of your bedroom. You were trying to figure out why you couldn’t fall asleep when you heard the front door open and close. You would be able to pick Bucky’s footsteps out of an army. He walked to his bedroom with the smallest amount of noise possible and closed his door. You sigh and turn in your bed, finally finding sleep. 

The next morning you yawn and roll over to see the sunlight streaming through your window. You smile at the warmth and light across your bed. Your phone buzzes next to you on the nightstand. Josh’s name appears on your phone with a text that is asking you to go for coffee. You take a long shower and blow dry your hair so it’s much curlier than normal. You bounce downstairs to go meet Josh wearing your favorite sweater and boots combo. Josh was, again, waiting for you at your favorite coffee place and you could see him at the bar talking to the barista. You smile and think that for the first time in a while, you feel genuinely happy. But as you sit and talk with him you realize that there are some things that you just can’t talk with him about. Most importantly being why you live in the Tower. You try and avoid the subject, but he keeps pressing.  
“Look, I just can’t talk to you about it. Okay? Can we please just drop it?” You say defensively.  
Josh holds his hands up in surrender. “Yeah, sure, we’ll drop it.”  
There was a long awkward pause. You try and smooth things over by talking about where he grew up, but the whole time you’re thinking how any relationship you have will put that person in danger. They could get hurt, or even worse, you could hurt them. If you were called on mission, you would have to leave at a moment’s notice and you couldn’t tell him why or how long you would be gone. You have weekly psych evals because you don’t use powers that you couldn’t even tell him about. At the end of the coffee date, you say goodbye, but there’s a sort of sad feeling you get when you watch him walk to his car. This relationship had an expiration date, and you could feel it getting closer.

You make your way back home, taking the long way and walking by your favorite streets. You get to the Tower and throw your bag on the floor while flopping face down on the couch.  
“Are you okay?” A soft low voice called out from the kitchen. Bucky was making lunch at the stove in a tank top and sweatpants. You try not to stare too long.  
“Yeah, I'm fine. Just an emotional morning.”  
“Same here.” That’s unusual.  
“What?...Why?”  
“I broke up with Layla.” You sit up and look intently at him. His back was facing you as he worked at the stove. You got up and walked over to him and sat on the countertop beside him so you could see his face. There was a long comfortable silence between you as you watched him cook.  
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t wa-” He drops his spatula and turns to you with an exasperated look on his face.  
“It’s just… She kept pressing me on how I lost my arm, and I realized that any relationship I have I could never be fully honest. I constantly leave for missions sometimes weeks at a time. I could never tell them where I am going, or even how long I would be there. I can’t talk to them while I’m on mission. I could put that person in danger. I could hurt them, or other people could hurt them for being with me. Or even worse _I_ could hurt them.”  
You look at him and then look at the floor. “I know exactly what you mean.”  
Bucky returns to his lunch, frustratingly pushing around the vegetables in the pan.  
“There’s a reason Clint left. He fell in love, and he realized that he wanted a family more than he wanted to be an Avenger. I think you just have to find someone that you love enough to leave everything behind.” You say softly while staring at him. He slows down his spatula and looks up at you. His blue eyes burned into yours. Your phone suddenly vibrated against the counter. You both look away and cough while adjusting your positions.  
“Who is that?” Bucky says. He knows the only people on your phone that would text you.  
“It’s Josh. The guy that I went on that date with.”  
“Oh.” His face frowns for a fraction of a second. “How is that going?”  
“He’s really sweet. But I just....”  
“Yeah I know.” Bucky replies. He makes a plate for you of the lunch he was making.  
“Thanks.” You say as you both walk over to the table. You eat in silence with him as you think about Josh. You decide that you should probably end anything romantic with him before it gets too serious. You still really wanted to be his friend, but you would hate to hurt him. After lunch, you walk upstairs to call him. Josh was incredibly kind about everything, and still wanted to be friends, but you were not surprised. Whoever ends up with him will be a very lucky girl. You hang up your phone and stay in your room for the rest of the day. You decide to watch Pride and Prejudice, the Colin Firth version, because you were in a sad spiral that could only be cured with more self-pity. You must have fallen asleep halfway through an episode, because you woke up to FRIDAY’s intercom ringtone playing through the Tower. You spring up from your bed, and quickly make your way to the Tower phone. Of course Bucky was already there. He picked up and silently listened to Tony’s worried voice. You eyebrows were cinched together in concern because Tony never called the Tower phone. He always either called your phones directly or used FRIDAY’s comm function. Bucky was listening intently and nodding every once in a while. After a few minutes of you intensely glaring at him, Bucky hung up the phone.  
“What’s going on?” your voice sounded unusually screechy.  
Bucky pushed his hair back. “So it looks like they got into a bit of trouble on the mission. They’re currently stuck in South Carolina and Steve is hurt.”  
“Steve is hurt?! South Carolina?!” Your voice continues to screech higher. “Steve is hurt?!”  
Bucky continues as if he doesn’t hear you. “They know about me. They know that I was not on the mission so I will be coming to help them. Apparently they don’t know about you.” He said, sounding unusually strained.  
“okayokayokayokay” you say as you pace around the couch. “What did Tony say to do?”  
“He thinks I should go down to help them. He said that the target has insane technological capabilities and we can’t use anything that could track us when we go down.”  
“Okay. Yes. That makes sense. And Steve is hurt??”  
“Tony said he is injured but he’s alive. He didn’t really elaborate. I just know that we gotta get down there fast.”  
“Okay. Great. So there’s a plan. Awesome.” You say as you abruptly stop in your tracks. “Wait.” You turn to face Bucky’s worried face. “You keep saying ‘we’”.  
Bucky tried to look as calm as possible. “Tony said that because they’re expecting me, and not you, that you sho-”  
“No.” You say staring at Bucky. “I can’t, Bucky.”  
“I know that you weren’t expecting this, but I promise that I will be with you the entire time. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. And I will not let anything happen to you.”  
You are still staring at Bucky with tears starting to form.  
“And Y/N, it’s Steve…” Buck’s voice sounded soft and worried.  
You put your hands over your eyes and groan. “Okay! Okay, yes, okay.” Bucky steps forward like he wants to touch you but steps away quickly. “I’ll go pack my bag.” You start to rush upstairs. “Wait,” you stop and turn back. “How are we going to get to South Carolina without using technology?”  
Bucky smirks. “I may have a solution.” 

About 20 minutes later, you both drop your bags in front of a tarp covered shape resembling a truck. You couldn’t remember the last time you packed a go bag, so it had taken longer than you wanted, especially while you were thinking of Steve. Bucky had driven you out of the Tower and to a garage in Brooklyn. The garage was equipped with mechanics materials and tools, and it looked like the car under the tarp had been worked on for a while.  
“Where are we? What is this?” You say walking around the truck.  
“This is something I have been working on in my free time. It relaxes me.” Bucky says as he lifts the tarp off of the truck in one fluid motion. You immediately let out a small gasp. Before you was a gleaming, maroon and white 1959 Ford pickup. The chrome reflected your awed face back at you as you slowly drag a finger around the metallic body.  
“Bucky,” You say almost breathlessly, “this is amazing. How did I not know about this?”  
“It’s just something that I wanted to do for myself. I loved working on cars before, and this one was a beaut.”  
You smile and stop in front of him at the driver’s door. “So this is how we’re going to fly under the radar?”  
He smirks back at you. “I hope you like old cassettes.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally get a little backstory on our reader character! But still a massive slow burn because i unapologetically love love love it. Also sorry this took so long!! Quarantine has turned me into a lazy sloth. More to come soon cause I love writing this!

The sun was beaming into the truck as you were holding your arm out of the truck window. You looked over at Bucky in the driver’s seat, looking unusually relaxed. You smiled absentmindedly and closed your eyes as you felt the breeze from the open windows. The morning sun filtered in through the windshield and illuminated the inside of the dusty cab. The 40’s music cassettes were playing softly over the sounds of cars driving by. You reached over for your coffee and took a long sip. You had just woken up in the car while Bucky had driven all night. He had stopped at some time and gotten you coffee with cream and cinnamon. You looked back over at Bucky and was staring at his hair. The sunlight shone on his head and made his hair look almost auburn.  
“Why are you staring at me?”  
You gulp quickly and look away. “Just thinking about Steve.”  
“Me too. I haven’t gotten any updates from the team. I think that must be a good sign. If they don’t contact us, then that must mean that Steve hasn’t gotten any worse. And I know that he bounces back faster than anyone I know.”  
“You’re right.” You reply and look back at Bucky. He was staring at the road with his eyebrows furrowed in a slight frown.  
“As much as I would like to be able to drive the whole way without stopping, I need to sleep at some point.” Bucky replies after a short silence.  
“Oh yeah, of course. Where are we?” You say as you pull out the atlas from the glove compartment.  
“Somewhere in Virginia.”  
You sit up a little straighter in your seat. You had grown up in Virginia, on the coast, but you didn’t know if Bucky knew that. It was buried deep in your file, and people usually only read the first few lines before they had enough.  
“Um, I think I know a few places we could stay.” You say to him, trying to act casual.  
“Remember, off the grid.” Bucky reminds you. There was an amazing breakfast place near the beach that you remember going to as a kid. It was one of your favorite diners to eat at because it was open 24 hours a day. You would eat there with your dads and then drive to the beach and sit in silence, just watching the waves roll in and out. You give directions to Bucky and he pulls into the restaurant parking lot when it starts to get dark outside. When you order, you try to study the menu as if you hadn’t had a favorite meal since you were 7. You both eat quickly in silence as you try not to envision what your dads would say if they saw you here with Bucky. Dad would definitely not like his hair. Papa would probably act like Bucky was his favorite person and then talk shit after he left. You hadn’t noticed you were staring at him until he looked up at you.  
“Are you okay?” Bucky asks with a slight smile.  
“Yeah, I’m just worried about Steve.”  
Bucky continues to stare at you. “Y/N, I have known you long enough to know when you’re hiding something.”  
“It’s nothing.” You say quickly. Bucky is still staring at you.  
“I am thinking of getting coffee. Or maybe I should just stick to water since diner coffee is usually undrinkable.” Bucky said staring at you over his menu.  
“No, it’s actually really great here. They use this coffee from a roaster downtown-” you stop suddenly in your tracks and look at Bucky who breaks into a smile.  
“I knew it! You know this place don’t you?”  
“Yes. But from a long time ago.”  
“Did you…” Bucky puts his menu down and stares more intently at you. “Did you grow up here?”  
You take a long sigh once you realize that you aren’t going to get out of this conversation. “Yes, I grew up about 15 minutes from here.” Bucky had a smug look on his face while he waited patiently for you to continue. “I used to come here with my dads almost every week. We would eat breakfast and then go to the beach and watch the waves for hours. It was my favorite thing to do.”  
“Do they still live here?”  
You’re slightly taken aback “Who?”  
“Your dads.”  
You fidget in your seat and drag your palms down the front of your jeans. “They died a week before I was recruited.” You refused to look at Bucky because you knew he was smart enough to connect the dots. Once people found out your whole story, every look they gave you was dripping with pity. They would always stand at least 5 feet away from you and God forbid they touch you. That was part of the reason why you loved being around Bucky so much, he never treated you that way. You felt a large rough hand cover your fidgety hands on the table. You look up to see Bucky looking at you with relief. You were surprised at his reaction until you figured it out. “You knew. You always knew.” You said with disbelief. Bucky nodded.  
“I was just waiting until you were ready to tell me about it yourself. I know enough to know not to rush you when it comes to talking about your feelings.” You were staring at him with your brow furrowed.  
“I can’t believe you knew.”  
“You know everything about me. Why is it so weird that I know about you?”  
“You never treated me the way the others did when they found out.” You remember that even Steve couldn’t look you in the eye for a week.  
“Neither did you.” Bucky said. You did read his entire file. You also attended the briefing meeting about Bucky before he came to the Tower. Selfishly, you were almost relieved that there would be a new team member they could turn their attention to.  
Your dinners were set down in front of you suddenly. Bucky quickly took back his hands from yours. You were still in a sort of shock as you silently ate your pancakes. He knew everything this whole time and he never made you feel like you were broken.

After you paid for your meals, you gave Bucky the address for an old, dusty motel close to the ocean front. You both rode in silence until you realized that you were going the wrong way. “Bucky, I think you were supposed to turn back there.”  
“Yeah, I was. But I think we need to make a quick stop first.”  
“What? Where? Nothing is open right now.” Bucky drove up to the parking lot for a public beach access. “Bucky…” You say softly. He gets out without a word and walks over to your side of the truck. He opens your door and takes your hand. You silently walk with him past the dunes to the soft sand near the water. He sits down on the sand and looks up at you. “Why are we here? Shouldn’t we be sleeping so we can get to the team faster? So we can get to Steve?”  
“We haven’t heard anything from them, so that usually means everything is okay. And we are ahead of schedule.”  
You cross your arms and look around. The cool ocean breeze blew your hair around your cheeks and made you shiver.  
“And I think that this might be more important. Sit.” Bucky said from the sand.  
You slowly obey. Bucky takes off his dark brown leather jacket and wraps it around you. The jacket still feels warm and smells like his shampoo. You take a deep steadying breath.  
“Someone wise, and slightly annoying, once said that it’s better to talk about your traumas instead of trying to cope by yourself.” You roll your eyes at Bucky’s words. He’s looking at the waves, but he is still smiling slightly.  
“There really isn’t much to say.” You reply. “You already know what happened.” Bucky stays silent. “It was all laid out pretty neat in my files. I used my powers. People died.” Bucky still doesn’t say anything but looks over at you. The sound of the waves feels almost deafening.  
“And that’s why I don’t want to use my abilities. It always ends up with more people getting hurt than I intended. And I never want to be the person to take someone’s will away from them. That seems like something I… people… shouldn’t be able to do.” Once you started talking, the words started to spill out. “This ability that I have… I feel like no one should ever have this type of power over people. I shouldn’t be able to control people’s thoughts. I shouldn’t be able to control what people do so easily. I thought I could keep it hidden. My dads didn’t even know. It wasn’t until the day of the accident…” Tears start to silently stream down your face. You remember sitting in the car with the windows open. You were traveling with them on a vacation while you were home from college. Dad was driving and Papa was sleeping in the front seat. Even though it was the middle of the night, you could see the smoke coming from the car wreck a quarter mile ahead of you. Dad stops the car by the side of the little country highway to see if he could help. You stay in the car and watch as your Dad carefully walks over to the wrecked car in the middle of the road. Someone suddenly emerges from the woods by your car with a gun. Papa rushes out of the car and tells you to stay inside. You tried to unbuckle your seatbelt but it was stuck. You struggle with the buckle and yank your head back up when you hear a gunshot. The gun was aimed towards the sky, but then it went down to aim back at Papa. You scream for the man to stop. You see his entire body relax and his arms fall limp. Then you see your dads copy his movements. Then you see the bright headlights of a tractor trailer barreling down the road. Your buckle is still stuck as you try to warn them. The buckle opens right before the truck slams into -  
Bucky puts his hands on your forearms and pulls you into his chest. You didn’t realize you were sobbing until he wove his arms tightly around your body and you could feel your tears against his white t-shirt. Your head shakily slid down to rest your forehead on his collarbone. Bucky speaks to you in a soft low voice.  
“It’s okay. I’m here. I won’t leave you. I’m right here.” Bucky says. You can feel the vibrations of his words against your head.  
“I’m...I’m sor-sorry” You say between sobs. Bucky moves his head down to rest his chin on top of your head.  
“It’s really okay. It’s kind of nice to be the one taking care of you for once.” Bucky replied. You smiled and could feel yourself calming every second more that he held you. You let out a long sigh and move away from Bucky’s chest. He drops his embrace, but when you look up at him he starts to move your hair out of your face. Every place he touches you feels like a spark coming from his hand. After he smooths over the last piece, his hand lingers against your cheek. His thumb wipes away the old tears under your eyes. When he meets your eyes again, his thumb stills. You’re sitting so close to one another, you can feel his breath quicken. His intense stare drifts down to your mouth. He leans closer and puts his metal hand on your thigh and you shiver at his cold touch. It seems like time is standing still when all of the sudden a bright light shines on the both of you in the sand. “Y’all know the public beach closes at sunset?”  
Bucky springs from the sand so fast he kicks some in your face. There’s a young police officer looming over you with a flashlight the size of a small tree. You cough and hurriedly try to fix your clothes and hair. Bucky glares at the officer with a steely expression. He says nothing, but even his posture is begging the officer to try something. He is yanking at your arm trying to get you up.  
“Bucky, would you calm down?” You say to Bucky under your breath. “We’re very sorry to bother you officer.” You say louder so he can hear. “We were just leaving.” You take Bucky’s hand and lead him away quickly back to the truck. You look up at Bucky with concern as his scowl deepens. “What’s the big deal? He was just doing his job.” You say.  
“I was blindsided okay? Why are there even police out on the beach right now, aren’t we supposed to be in the middle of a budget crisis??” He says, running his hands through his hair with vigor. You both climb into the vehicle with Bucky slamming the door harder than necessary. He refuses to look at you. You put your hand on his arm that is gripping the steering wheel.  
“He didn’t mean any harm. Take a deep breath.” He takes a big exhale. Bucky’s arm muscles relax under your hand and you slowly pull your hand away. He looks up at you and sighs deeply. “You’re right.”  
“What’s new?” You say with a smile. He looks across the truck cab at you as a smile creeps along his face. He starts the car and drives to the motel. You both step inside the small lobby and Bucky speaks to the manager. You were looking around at the kitschy decorations when you heard him say “One room please.” You don’t turn around but smile stupidly at the starfish with glued-on googly eyes on the opposite wall. When Bucky is given the key, you follow him to the room as he opens the door for you and you both step inside. The room was clean but it felt like stepping inside a fridge.  
“Jesus. Is the A/C on?” You say, looking around for the unit as you rub your arms. You finally found it in the corner of the room and saw that it read 58 degrees. “58 degrees??” You say. “What in the-” you furiously turn up the temperature. Bucky smiles over at you. He throws his leather jacket and you grab it before it hits you in the face.  
“Take this. I run hot.” Bucky said as he walked into the bathroom.  
“That’s an understatement,” You think to yourself. You watch him walk into the room in just his white shirt and jeans. His hair was flopping over his eyes and his metal arm glinted in the lamps on the room. You put his jacket on and discreetly lean your head down to breath in his smell. You have a lingering feeling that you are in massive trouble.


End file.
